Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
