if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
