Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
