My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
