my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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