For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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