she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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