why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize