last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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