i think i have two assholes
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
