remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
