So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
