beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
