This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
