i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?