I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.