True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
