What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit