I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.