oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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