After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
