I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
