pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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