who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
