He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
