A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
