I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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