you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
