i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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