the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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