Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
