Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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