This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
