I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
