I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
