i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
