i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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