Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
