ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How does one acquire holy water?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
