I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
