I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
