if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
