well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
