all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
