Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
