My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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