I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
