Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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