Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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