3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
