Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
