I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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