dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
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Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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