The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize