People in love make me want to vomit
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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