Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
