just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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