At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
