im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
