doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
