I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
