did you get engaged???
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
