i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
