Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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