WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
