Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
