hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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