I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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